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Hal Sparks 6-12-14

Thu, 12 Jun 2014|

Comedian Hal Sparks stopped by to hang with the gang, share a couple of laughs and inform everyone of his shows coming up.

Transcript - will not be 100% accurate

-- they Hill Man Morning Show on demand. I'm always I'm. -- on your schedule at WAS. Dot com. Well a very funny human being in the studio -- this morning Hal sparks ladies engineers true and I like that thanks for The Who intro I feel like we're gonna be dissecting a body. It is sad that victory at a career one of the greatest rock band the all time now like kind of centrally focused on its latest. If -- Led Zeppelin had accidentally written a Gilligan's Island me I'm. After that was the only that you Iraqi like and and and I really well they must get they must get some good cash from CSI all the CSI shows like I've guide guarantee its -- them out of the money they still -- barely know from 1977. -- deals that and that's been. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- So this singer songwriter phrase he had that's it well it's just you know -- man's stools. Acoustic guitar whining. And it -- like that somehow he's OK. Now you're allowed to do that now if you actually they got an electric instruments are writing suddenly even Johnny get Johnny Depp. Plays guitar very very well came out LA initially to be in rock band straight story began acting career Conan Nolan gets onstage -- people like Tom Petty and that all the time. Has to stand back by the air apps because he he's a good player but people think is that -- -- -- impersonator. A couple of I thought I was captain Jack Sparrow now I -- a but yeah because you're not allowed but if he walked out with a stool and and begin acoustic and whined about as you know car payments. Somehow okay -- allowed to do that that arts but you know those guys today they end up. Like John Mair writes the no -- should end up like John -- that's just saying rhetoric but tell you -- than I was and I mean the guy gets you know here -- your parents you know not happy and still -- that -- -- -- the -- -- his -- -- the Lebanese and Rihanna and I have the exact I don't -- -- the thought they could even even when their relationships failure should go from ecstatic to ecstatic and I need to be -- The girl is elderly if I get that good that. Had. I don't -- them. It may be mad at me at the end of this but I've -- draining premiered here in the -- let's be honest. So Hal sparks is about laugh Boston it's true witches I just a club in as an instruction. Ask test I think commands in order to slash quote you here I am unclear about my goal of voted during a company. Being years were rescued me ma'am miss that drink. -- -- -- drink busted but nobody knew I have a guy onstage. Well Boston is in the Westin Boston waterfront hotel shows tonight and tomorrow. Yet at 8 o'clock in on Saturday 8 o'clock and 1015. Jobs speaking of doing shows was it Mike -- Who is just accused of beating up a guy a -- A show in Atlanta that's awesome. -- -- that was a guy right. That's that's that's really when tragedy that level when my -- erase that -- could completely contrived. Set up and up punchline was that even my vote me out. I'm the act do you like -- coolers or I'm just sick of it and now handlers and I don't even exist anymore. I mean they really don't know by the occasional drunk person who's yelling kind of fouls. It -- The whole show and let people deserve a beating that probably what happened was on -- ruined holes showed despite -- Jabber in. Drunk talk a whole show which case. Mike is probably in line with seven other people who are beating him up like Betsy an airplane you know and I get. You know what you know what -- my main and most people and of the history of where -- -- -- is what. Local comics used to do -- crap national touring acts. Who would come through every year with the same -- never changed their sets and so you -- To get your -- is well before. You know people to become YouTube stars are you that were HBO specials or whatever. You're local guy you wanted to be an opener you wanted to write a club you would sit there and that national act would come through. And you would tear him to pieces. From the audience and after the they guy you know after the show was over you know maybe even couple days later you would -- of the owner and go make an -- do like five minutes or whatever he -- -- -- never gonna -- and again. But that was all -- as we have to do it all the time when I started second you know late second city in Chicago. Blues eighties was like six blocks away and -- -- seeing -- -- -- the yes eighties pace car how. Canada have a good sense I don't know out of my balls and I'm Zain easy -- and it's well I mean that amongst -- catch a rising star which is just like we have got the top backs but that can -- it might seem to some people fail. -- funny term which is just like president got a funny farm for yeah legally you know -- brought. Decided you know I got a budget which -- -- and save myself some money. They'll get the Laugh Factory brochure I -- I spent wisely. Though. We've Jamie Masada who is great because. It does a line which I did open -- get and by the way -- -- my middle name is digress so I just don't complain about and is serpentine story -- but we need to -- open Mike the Laugh Factory in LA it's -- these days and eight you would go to sign up at like 7 o'clock in the morning trash you go back at noon. And find out what you're time was we -- to wait in line again to find out what your taxes your whole day. Yeah it's insane and you get three minutes detonated the act at the end -- three minutes you would walk up like the god father you would leave the stage and you walk up and and you have to walk by javy would be sitting. Added a small folding table. It passed for the godfathers desk and he would give you notes on your act. So and and then and then then next time when you come. Did done you Wear bright clothing. Food. Yeah if he had shattered the guy today at the and you inside the wedding of pink shirts -- like do you happen to Wear pink shirt that day here and that's all he can but I didn't want French joke about in my act which is actually semi pro French who just kind of a silly joke it wasn't like I was staring down the culture and he was like. You wounded done like a French guy. Businesses and search for the next time I come back and you'll go write some jokes about this being. I met him a friend in his kiss and then the economy and saying yeah that's right and I'm glad that I and I had a huge lead can view -- another -- -- -- -- your actor and nothing to do use a comic but then. Years later if you manage to make it anybody who did this which was just you know it's LA -- -- it is not that many open Mike so everybody came through it ego I gave him advice when he's. -- the yeah did you let you -- -- take the advice whether it was good or not Arafat. This tax tells sparks is our guest. Here's the tax my kids lemon my kids love the Disney show please ask now how he got into it. -- I was up for five pilots. Is an avenue on the show. Two and a half three years now. And it was the only one that was organically funny lake. Beat you go is a good writing and bad rating is on the isn't -- a premise of the show you read the script and every joke that comes in has something to do with something that would really happen. A lot of times what you get especially with sitcoms is it takes place in a copy has it takes place a restaurant that Joseph gonna and they were right in. Dude with giant orange hair walks in. And then you make a bunch of giant orange hair jokes tenth and then you leave this. And that's three minutes after five minutes scene and I like what the hell did that have to do it up and moving well that has to do it and he had orange hair and just showed it right it does and you -- is still there pilot script this is our drummer ever. Yeah it's going to be wait late it's just going to be weirdo pointing that's what you do it's like it's like growling sketches which. A doomed. -- I live for a long time which is. The grounds have a great history of taking really talented comic actors and teaching that how to sit down into -- sketches. And is always aiming to normal people trying to have a normal dinner. At job's not done. And everybody pretends that whack job isn't whack job for a little while until it becomes too much. And then I can't stand whack job anymore and I called for the manager who's an even bigger whack job I'm I have been asked I can't. And again and again it and AM and is as it is you like a look at these writers are. Hi I'm Matt and you know -- there there are funny people to come in and out and I DR MEO. But it's amazing that show has lasted as long as its last. Yeah I thought it would be that's a -- Agassi there's like four buildings and Saturn now lives in the the architecture of American culture. You know to me like Kathy everything else has been bulldozed -- except for -- -- I don't or Rotella as the and that's probably just the facades of those buildings what is arguably true about Saturday Night Live to Augusta the reason it's been around is. And largely white stays around even when it's not profitable and doing well. Is it to wait for NBC to tie up writing groups that's why they own -- for very long time. And still managed to squeeze out the best shows on TV with good regularity. Is because. Bit they're writing teams that come through. I Marta Kauffman and David Crane needed Franzen all the you know. Think they all came up this payers through boots at Carolina as I find really good writers in time and they scooped them up to. Policy and do with gay comedians do right now well you know you see. Do you see comedians are uncertain airline that is really hosting a game show and then you're doing in afternoon women's. That's not show you know like -- -- the all the other under contract. Right yeah because they don't spend it all that's that he also you'll notice that whenever somebody leaves that you know -- their sixth movie is probably their best after they've left out of the first five Lauren Jones a piece out. Now on Michael of the beat Andre and I don't Mike Myers didn't like. And so I made an -- murder which I loved it live or whatever weight room which -- tied to -- and Austin Powers is sixth movie. And I think studio 54 rate before raider one of the movies like right now there are we -- we Wayne's world two days woes that out there. Well as perhaps I haven't felt like projects and young and Austin Powers three clear cut and then of course doctor evil is based on more. Yeah right and here's attacks does Howell still take his -- unsweetened yes it's that was sent to bid from a bad for you -- them on stand up but. Actually you it will technically no I take plane TP no such thing as unsweetened tea because. -- -- -- -- Sugars tee and it takes the sugar out again next -- I grant -- that it doesn't matter and I guess that's the premise that I I -- an 88 yeah would sugar beverage can I remove the sugar. Made me feel good about it and -- and now are used when you only only -- milk milk coffee you -- on a copy fan and I meant. -- major -- smell like baloney. Kyra ever wondered why drag my hey no I never repeated a girl's mother and then hundred tell me that my -- easily blocking. Outlines its relic -- but I will save the record I can't exactly say the same now. And a and that's it because I've gone to a lot of outdoor rock festivals -- crazy things happen yeah and yeah right people pass out not places. -- -- The -- go -- -- do you go to some of those things. Yet the only they haven't done yet I don't wanna do is burning man like it is it's generally less -- about it certainly dad. Just as I have I know it's going to be a lot I I don't just going to be a lot of thirsty people on -- -- you know where I'd really like -- clothing in a bright sunlight which is always not a good idea but and to me. It it is something mad Max beyond thunder dome about the whole thing and I just want to roll up and -- their Mohawk with football pads on right in right buggy can basically do whatever you want those kind of -- yet exactly as you know like NASCAR is that Jerry stays in field at NASCAR's. Yeah where is really what NASCAR issues. It's actually just a barrier to the authorities. To keep them out of the infield so victory -- it and it's like because allegation if they shut the tunnels down. There's no one could ever stop was going on because it is this are mostly a force -- -- -- as it was rings around Scott and Superman you know I mean like a they're headed turtle not. Are you are you still doing martial arts that -- -- -- tonight always a man continued it's not some you do after awhile and you -- it's you know it's like. It's like stand up stand up to that -- people. As elegant and doing standup I've been a stand up since I was fifteen -- to me it's not like. An activity -- -- and yet ratchet it introduced his thousand Wright is a personality trait yet you know more than anything and and being a martial arts is -- bad thing. And and I think it's especially helpful here in the industry you're in it you know in showbiz just because. You have to and I don't mean is it helps junior career won't necessarily. But it you have to have something you do outside of it gives you a sense of personal best done where you could set a standard for yourself and try to break it you know work harder. Without the judgment of casting people going you know saying. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Well I'm not a you know what you've been the -- you look up after awhile and you've been doing martial arts for thirty years -- -- I've been doing you know I start doing like. -- when I was eight. Now my tobacco now sixteen in the united Taekwondo in Chicago and then stars on the -- who got LA and that's that's why I taught for. Seven years I taught at a conference on to an LA now instead of waiting tables that was what I did. And and then I was actually. Teaching a class. Had a kind of -- -- tonight an -- -- talks to. Please they go in the united skated unlike when I tell my students that -- all life is about to change or amber I don't really weird way it's not like -- walk on on these shows or might not be here the next couple weeks. Yeah I just got a regular daily. Blast out Diego -- -- my whole life. And -- out and an old man who occasionally came to class does it audit and health club so we had one of the rooms there whenever he would come in and out of the case whoever. Healed over had a heart attack. Blow right there in the room with not after I told them. Hey I just like are warming up a winner just -- -- 72 years old killer and architects aid CPR on him you didn't yet he lived and it has yet I don't parents yet he differed like. Five minutes I'll wait for the paramedics arrived -- And they they scoop them up we were all like standing around shell shocked they put him on the Gurney and wheeled him out. He'll -- it that way and he lifted the paper -- a good while longer I think he's still alive now actually you see a map to your hospital and a gala in six months later he came back Indiana pacemakers that they'd installed you know and those like. Instant pace you know shocker they noted -- fit body you're scanners -- it looks like you put your wallet in your shoulder. And and he like anyways these -- put him on a Gurney and wheeled him out and I'm saying arrogantly. If they were all frozen lake or by the way on the new host of talk soup. But it is a guy thing no real. We're going to hear announcement opposed our stopping the other day CPR only works 12% of the time. But on television network 65%. Of the time but it I mean that's sheer 12%. Of the time so that I mean right. Well I I say on television and he's CPR a good portion of the time it's on a hospital drama and any other gear sitting around yeah yeah I did it at LA acts. About two years ago this guy. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Yeah yeah it's it's it weird it was I was standing there and is hey I just heard behind me little only the weird noise. And it was that noise when Graham golf balls over the you know it -- like that noise and I make. -- -- and it takes a little while for that Alberto I had. All of now the man. And it's a night vision Islamic go oh my god oh my god is meant having art does anyone know CPR and I stood there. Yeah them I'm like this it's like 500 people in this security line we were Jack we're put in another room made on the line so far. And I'm staying there. And no one's doing anything to hide forever going -- well I guess is me right now. That's I want to get that I'd never seen somebody choked yeah -- think about you but you get that at least I do I get that didn't like I'm and I thank you are you saying or like am I supposed to over the exact that I happen to get a went. -- -- Probably I was probably like to -- impressions in on this guy and I look up in the room was empty there were 500 mr. -- yeah. All of our guys aren't -- have it -- -- -- blow to his room. This woman who's helping me she's lovely but do it like do you know we're doing to be honest and this guy comes in. And I'd just gotten him back Mikey came to the and I stopped impressions -- -- -- and -- -- defibrillator and how it. Aware of the -- paramedics and he just ran away. And in the guy went out again and I start doing it -- and -- -- like it that way. And it took them like seven minutes to get easily Guatemalan immigrant this man India where I was going back home denial Mala. Did they brought his family at all my god so it's still going to present -- to -- -- the paramedics roll up their start and it kind of take over Andy brought his family up. From downstairs. And I just I don't know that any of them being -- and they're all his wailing my son -- I'm doing compression and I've been doing like mount an album has ordered 380 years old or whatever -- opinions -- you have the right men and is -- and and a part of me thought -- well yeah. Under a lot of pressure in the fifth and he's like. I don't even -- like why are you going to automatically be here doctor did he didn't read -- even for the paramedics. These guys have got to take over third bag and -- doing all the stuff that they had to do what a terrible situation. It was so Mattson is the guys that -- agreement pop how when Auburn did CPR on the on the yeah -- like I want you did yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna guess we can make it happens to have a tax. Says that's called diffusion of responsibility. And it's a like a psychological condition that little out. Where you don't wanna get involved I definitely 'cause I have seen somebody choking a restaurant. And that literally are right I looked around and I looked down and I was like oh is anybody else noticing matter I I don't want the pressure of -- They -- right I'm trying to lizard brain thing because you you wanna clear out when you know when a predator leaps on someone near you insert chewing them to pieces yeah everybody acts the way he can make that decision like them. All right that's the guy knows where the water is let's say I'm. I think about it right now Dario before your social architecture takes it goes he's a keeper. You think deeper we'll do that stuff. But that's evidently. It's really why we do it but that it there was a guy and -- video that I think that it just. This morning or last night whoever that car crashing into the gas pumps in this guy pulls this -- how America got its first same guy at first reaction. He's out of there he just like -- Tony runs so fast it's amazing but then after a few seconds on the fire looks. Big but man now will not gonna blow up. You know he makes an assessment and aids is a very heroic thing but it was certainly after that arc of lizard brain you know you're dinosaur parts has stopped present. Actually -- could -- America. Yeah ago banana boat parade candidates go man whoever -- But that's a part of it is to save yourself to that if you have a responsibility is -- you don't know -- that. Because our and we were -- was super primitive will now we know what joking is that guys just coughing and holding its throat he might just being near -- poisoned source of some sort clear out free. -- year by the light of an idea like yeah yeah fighter five reality there's actually fight. Lighter freeze which is today you know it really work that in. Freeze happens more often than not actually and and freeze I mean we alma deer in the headlights yeah people do it too and so a good portion of people just. Like go and is. I mean I have -- -- I pretend to Manhattan this. Good for Clinton being -- I'm here yeah ran into this I'm not here is frames that he had dispute you don't move. I see it done and 93 early this week. No no issue out of her this -- living the same thing you ever ride the -- as I'm not gonna say let's let's just a mile and a former assisted -- places I am confused yeah DA is standing beside the road in her pajamas -- -- bruised right and I want -- it was great it was just -- -- -- level people -- -- since the hour mark but I I pull up to her if she -- she looked around and I am like man are you a -- you know where you're going. She's like you share that -- -- -- -- confirm -- got to sit down Mike. -- -- It's gone and I am only get bad very active and -- and it was known to try to -- mean you're going to name his -- illegally for -- joke premise you have to -- so it was sort of candidate they took her return home and she turned to meet him box that was great it was Larry. And then -- a resisted worker person in the -- sneak out right around who's sitting reading a book area I read beside this tour. You can always says CAA panel they're reed right now and it's how would have performed CPI and re Barack. -- a -- I will always hate laugh Boston in the Westin Boston waterfront hotel. Tonight and tomorrow at 8 o'clock show host tonight tomorrow Saturday eight and 1015. If you wanna get tickets visit laugh boston.com. And there is a special promo code because you listen -- show and do the code WA AF. And get ten dollars off tickets a story that's left boston.com you're welcome I and thanks -- I was awfully -- enjoy the weekend here at five -- is you be returning to the mystery of it and think if anybody needs CPR -- -- you saying -- and you think your dad and I can't delegate on the line outside my -- I'm so glad I asked my agent yeah by Jesus left the club of America for -- -- healing and I guess that's not bad day it happens after -- -- -- -- showing -- I -- that -- -- -- affected -- -- ball -- -- -- sparks on the Hill Man Morning Show.